He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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