She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
