What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
4 words: hood of his car
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
