My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
