Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
