What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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