i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
