He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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