Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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