So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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