very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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