i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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