I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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