i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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