We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
