Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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