i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
