Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
