You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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