i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
