dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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