i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
