you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
