I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
