$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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