don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
