I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize