Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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