Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
