My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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