Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
