I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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