Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
