you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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