btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
