Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
