Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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