I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
