um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
