I can text with my tongue
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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