I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
