Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
