Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
