I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize