After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
