Me too!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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