I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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