The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she told me i tasted like america
I just found puke in my bra..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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