i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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