You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
