If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
