our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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