He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
