Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
