On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
