32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
