Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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