so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
