The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize