I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
