Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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