Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
