she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
