He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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