You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize