someone get that fucking seahorse.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
