whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize