hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
