he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize