WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
