you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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