need another drink. this is the easiest way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
