so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
