just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
