first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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