Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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