So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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