Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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