and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize