at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
