sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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