you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His hands were made for my vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
