tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
