i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
