Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
