I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize