hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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