you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
