If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
