She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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