My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
