I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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