Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
