No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
