I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
