I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
