I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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