he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
