theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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