I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
