does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
