You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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