he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
