i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
